(This is a chapter from the book - "The Journey of a Revelation" - I have been writing. I trust it will be a blessing to you.)
Several years ago, I began to have strong feelings of disillusionment about the Church, the teachings of faith, and what it all really meant – the purpose of it and why we, the Church, believe what we believe and why we do the things we do. Maybe I am not coming up with words that adequately describe how strongly I was feeling about these things; but to me, the things we have held dear to our hearts were beginning to seem so very limited and narcissistic. What I mean by this is that, from the pulpit to the pews it looked as if our souls had become corrupt, weak and shallow. The measure of a person’s faith had become determined by what we possess rather than what we give out. Self had become dominant, and there seemed to be blindness to the truth of God’s love poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit. The Christianity I began to take witness of was not the Christianity that had changed my life on February 2, 1982. It had changed in some sly, but yet, dramatic ways. It was as if it had become infected with a deadly disease, which I later came to understand as a bacterium that was weakening the truth of grace, caused by the impurities of man-made doctrines of greed and fear. And because of it, I now found each day ending as if I simply existed in a vacuum. I was becoming increasingly depressed, and with desperation, I would cry out – “There must be more to all of this.”
The year was 2002 when these feelings of futility seemed to have risen to a pinnacle in my life and had gained the strength to rob me of all joy, strangle my hopes, dim and blot out my vision of the future. Needless to say, I was a spiritual shipwreck! But then, it was sometime during all this confusion and turmoil, I don’t know the exact month, day or hour, but it was sometime in 2002 that the Lord spoke to me from His Word in John 8:32, reminding me that it is when the truth is known, in other words, it is when God our Father, by the indwelling presence of His Spirit, enlightens the eyes of our understanding with an absolute that absolutely changes your life forever, that there is then true freedom. Those words from the Lord hit me like a brick, and after that I only had one simple, but completely heart consuming prayer – “Lord, please, just show me truth.” I would pray – “Show me truth. Truth that changes me, truth that I can live by, truth that I can walk in, and as a minister of Your gospel, truth that I can confidently set before the people.” As I said, I don’t know when I started to pray this prayer, but it is a prayer that I continue to pray to this day, and it is a prayer that the Lord has and continues, in some very exciting ways, to answer. From this one and simple prayer, I have found myself to be living within the Lord’s promise from Jeremiah 33:3, wherein He has said, “Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things, remarkable secrets, great and hidden things, you do not know” (NIV, TLB, RSV).
One of the ways the Lord has answered my prayer along this journey of a revelation of truth, was by way of a dream He gave me one night in September of 2002. Today, I can look back upon that fateful night and see how this one dream enabled me to turn a corner and begin walking in truth that has truly and completely set me free, set me upon high, and has set my course on this earth for the rest of my life. At first the dream was very disturbing and it brought forth many questions because it tore down much of what I believed to be true, just like a wrecking ball reduces a condemned building to a pile of rubble. But, it is from the destruction of many of the things I believed to be true that a tower of righteousness has been erected, and today I stand strong in the revelation knowledge of who I am in Christ – a recreated, resurrected son of the Most High God!
In this dream, I had been ordered by God to go to a bakery, and had been given the assignment to make bread. It was to be my job, my responsibility, my calling, to make sure there would be a full supply of fresh bread, so that whoever was hungry would be free to take and eat as much as they desired. When I walked into the bakery I noticed, and seemed to be able to feel, how very dark it was inside. The darkness was thick and oppressive, and I hurriedly began groping for every light switch I could find. However, with each click of every switch, the lights failed to come on. It was as if the surrounding darkness was declaring its dominance, and was telling me that the power to change the environment had been shut off.
I cannot explain this, other than the truth that God is light and in Him there is no darkness; and because He lives in me I seemed to be able to feel my way around this darkened bakery, to where I finally found the bread trays. One by one I pulled out the trays, and looking at them, I had a sense of deep sorrow and sadness as I observed that on every tray there were only hard dry stale crumbs. Obviously, there was a time when there was a full fresh supply of bread, but that was no longer true. At that, the only thing I knew to do was to clean the trays and start getting everything ready for the work of mixing, baking and making available a fresh supply of bread. As I was giving myself to the task at hand, I suddenly had a dreadful sense of an evil presence. This presence was very evil feeling. It had an extreme darkness to it, and it felt as if it filled every part of the bakery. I remember it feeling very heavy and crushing, to the point of being suffocated by it. I began gasping for air and my heart was racing because of the feelings of panic and terror. I remember looking in all directions, my eyes darting to and fro, and my head turning from side to side so fast that I was becoming dizzy and confused. In my desperate search for this unseen, but undeniable evil presence, I began to catch fleeting glimpses of what appeared to be hundreds and hundreds of demons. Suddenly, everywhere I looked I could see there were hideous looking demons all around me and above me. The fear I felt was horrific. It so deeply invaded all my senses, that I could see, feel, smell and taste this fear. Doom and gloom pressed down upon me, and my ears were buzzing with a loud zipping sound. It was the sound of razor-sharp daggers of hopelessness cutting through the air as these demons took aim at slicing through my heart of hearts. At first, the only thing I could think of was to run away as fast as I could, but I felt trapped and helpless. My knees had gone weak and my feet seemed to be cemented to the floor. At that point I drew upon all that I knew and had practiced in my past. I opened my mouth to rebuke the demons in the Name of Jesus, but I was so terror-stricken there was barely a sound coming out. I was chocking on my words and could only hear them in my questioning mind. (The next morning, Marilyn, my wife, asked what in the world I was dreaming about? She said that I kept trying to say something in my sleep, but it was if my tongue was swollen and I couldn’t get the words out).
Backed into a corner of the bakery, with demons on every side, I continued trying to combat them with all I knew to do. I would rebuke them in the Name of Jesus, but they would laugh. I pleaded the precious blood of Jesus, but they mocked. I even reverted back to my Catholic upbringing and would make the sign of the cross, but they only mimicked me and howled with glee. The taunting of these demons was both horrifying and frustrating, but what took me by complete surprise and left me reeling in a confused and out of control spin was the sudden realization that everything I had been taught and everything I had known to do was not working and was of no effect against the evil that was attacking me. I cannot even begin to put into words how vulnerable and foolish I felt. I was angry with myself and with those I had received from. As I look back today, I can see that it wasn’t so much that everything I had been taught was a complete lie, but the problem was, and still is today , the Church has been fed a diet of techniques, instead of being led to the place of being in position to receive revelation. Proverbs 29:18 tells us that where there is no vision (revelation) the people perish.
Standing in the bakery, with my back to the wall and at a loss of what to do next, but even worse than that, being overcome with the sense of grief and despair for failing at the special assignment the Lord had given and called me to; I was about to collapse, when, from deep down inside there began a powerful rumbling. I can only liken it to the rising rush of a flood of burning lava about to spew from a quaking volcano, ready to erupt. In retrospect, I now understand that it was a moment like that of Jeremiah when he declared – “His Word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones” (Jeremiah 20:9). It was at this point in the dream that Marilyn told me the next morning that I was chocking and gasping, when, I bolted straight up in bed and shouted with an authority that shook the house – “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, THOU SHALT BE SAVED!” (In the following chapters I will explain why this worked). As I shouted, “Thou shalt be saved,” the whole bakery shook and there was a flood of light that swept through there like a tidal wave. All around me I could hear demons screaming and shrieking in terror of the Lord, and they were fleeing from the bakery. At once, in the twinkling of an eye, what had, just a moment ago, been a battlefield ripped apart with a life or death struggle, was now filled with a quiet calm that rippled forth from the tangible presence of the Prince of Peace Himself. Enveloped in the reality of His love I felt strengthened, invigorated, confident and victoriously protected. It seems best described as an anointed energy that encompassed every part of me. I felt empowered with a holy surge, and with a heart overflowing with joyful thanksgiving, I began to prepare and make available a fresh supply of hot and desirable bread.
My next awareness was the sound of the alarm clock. With a detailed memory of the dream, I went downstairs and my knees hit the floor. I had many questions for the Lord about, what I was soon to learn, was the most significant and life-changing night of my life, since the evening I called upon His Name twenty years ago and received Him as Lord and Savior. As I sought to understand, I only heard Him say to me, “Amos 8:11.” As I flipped to that verse in my Bible, I knew immediately beyond any doubt this was all from God, because there we are told, “The days are coming,” declares the Sovereign Lord, “when I will send a famine through the land – not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of the Lord.” At that moment, the word from the Lord was not just a Bible verse, but it was a startling and eye opening revelation. From it my eyes became fixated upon a man dressed in royal robes, but I could see that the robes looked to be oversized, and with a sloppy bagginess, they hung upon a weak, emaciated and malnourished body. This man, who clearly was one who had been deprived of muscle-building and life-sustaining nourishment, was a picture of the Church – the Body of Christ on earth today. I remember staring at this Auschwitz-looking creature, and crying out, “Why, O Lord, why?”
In time I came to realize that this man, who had been born into royalty, and whose purpose was to be a powerful force of reconciliation in the earth, did not have the strength to carry out his mission because he had become ravished by the effects of a widespread famine. Looking at him I could see that he had been starved, but not from a lack of eating, but rather because of the poor diet he had been feeding upon. From everything the Lord had set before my eyes in the dream, I could see the Lord’s Table, which this man sat down to meal after meal, had nothing but hard, dry, stale crumbs piled high upon it. From one end of the table to the other there was not one piece of fresh hot bread from Heaven – Holy Spirit revelation of the Word of God.
Over the years, I have seen so much of the Church, the Body of Christ on earth today, lose power and become weak. It has become malnourished because of a diet of hard, dry, stale crumbs of religion and the traditions of man. And when it comes to the Sunday family meal, instead of joyfully coming together and feasting upon fresh bread from Heaven, the servants (ministers) have served the people nothing more than junk foods. Plate after plate has been loaded up with little more than heaping portions of “sound good, but good for nothing” snacks. However, the good news is, this manmade famine has run its course. There are many who are now traveling this journey of a revelation. Many have come to see there must be more, and in their hunger and thirst, they have been crying out for the pure truth of God’s Word. And now, because God is forever faithful and true, I invite you to come along on this journey of a revelation through the pages of this book, and together we will feast upon the Lord’s hidden manna, His secret nourishment from Heaven (Revelation 22:13 NIV & TLB).